Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do vagina's smell?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
