my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
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While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
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I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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