But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
