So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
