Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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