Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
