This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
