My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
two words: eviction party
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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