im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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