Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
