Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
