"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
