Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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