How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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