I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
