He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
