you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
