On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
