dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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