And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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