So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
