We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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