I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
bring money and cleavage
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
