yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize