so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
