you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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