Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
