I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
