Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
