i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize