Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
