If i come over, it means nothing
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
this is an emotional support booty call
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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