Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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