i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
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