I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
