3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
