nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
