The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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