I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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