You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Ladies don't puke and tell
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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