dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
