Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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