Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
