ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize