I skipped work to stalk him.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
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YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
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We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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