After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
