I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
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I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
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How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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