I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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