I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
