You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
