Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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