dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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