I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
