I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
