Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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