so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
